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The Art of Falling in Love
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Chapman has identified what he calls the five love languages: Knowing how different people show and express their love is a good first step toward understanding them--and appreciating their loving behaviors. The Love Magnet Rules: As I always say, "It's never too late to find your soul mate," and following the tips in this book will help lead to relationship happiness. He advises women to act like women--and don't give up your Fall in love stay in love ebook too soon. The authors describe five "money personalities" and show how these different types can interact with each other in a harmonious relationship. How to Talk to Anyone: Want to learn how to make a good first impression?
It's in the book. Want to know how to work a party like a politician works a room? Getting Over Getting Mad by Judy Ford You've been in relationships, so you know that fighting and arguments are sometimes part of the deal. But most of us don't get any advice on how to deal with anger, and this book helps you productively deal with anger and conflict. A Practical Guide to Creating Extraordinary Relationships by Mali Apple and Joe Dunn The ideas and techniques in this book will help you identify and clear away any obstacles that are keeping you from finding your soul mate. Then you're ready to create a relationship filled with love, inspiration, and joy.
Getting to "I Do": Patricia Allen Not everyone wants to get married again after they've been divorced. But if you are one of those tenacious people like me who are ready to get on the horse and ride off into the sunset with your new spouse, this book contains good advice. He blogs at www. I help couples who crave more in their marriages to fall in love more deeply. I show the lonely, alienated, or hurt how to fall in love all over again when they have misplaced their love and cannot find it anymore. I will show you how to have the love you want. No, there is nothing magic or special about me. As with most of us, I have learned through personal experiences—both good and bad—but I have also learned from social and medical science, which I study constantly.
Most important, I have learned from working with tens of thousands of couples and guiding them successfully through a process that creates, deepens, or restores love. This process is the LovePath. However, most of the answers, regardless of their complexity, would ultimately have something to do with that simplest of words, the idea that launched ten thousand pop songs and old movies, and the quest that every world religion ultimately embraces: As human beings, we have needs that scientists can explain and quantify: We need a breath of oxygen every couple of seconds.
We need water every few hours.
We need food every day, and etay need shelter every night. These sttay the Fal physical requirements of survival. However, we need love and acceptance, too. Once those more basic survival needs are taken care of, we spend most of kn lives searching to fulfill the great desire that satisfies the soul—the experience of love. Of course, there is bad love. I imagine you could tell some stories about your ,ove experiences with this. If bad love could be Fall in at the bank, we would all be very sgay. However, true love is another thing entirely. None of us wants to compromise on the quality of oove that we get out of life.
We want love lovr overpowers, that sweeps us off our feet. So how do we get our Falk on it? Some people believe there is no such thing. Fal say that as long as people themselves cannot be true, there can be no true love. Sure, most of jn cynics have fallen head-over-heels in love, just like everyone else. But as often as not, after love fails, people decide that maybe it was all an Fall in love stay in love ebook, a hormonal hiccup, a biological itch that had to be scratched. A passing fancy after some fancy passes. Love comes, the skeptics say, and then it goes.
It is a viral infection of passion that we catch for a while only to lose. This thing called love, they claim, is no more within our control than an asteroid plummeting from outer space to flatten us on the sidewalk. The little winged fellow flew out from behind a bush one day and fired a couple arrows your way, like in the cartoons. The trouble, according to this myth, is that the narcotic on the tip of those arrows is temporary. Ask some of the Hollywood stars who are regulars in the gossip columns; the narcotic on some of their arrows apparently lasts no more than two or three weeks.
So there are those who say true love does not exist, and those who say true love does not endure. Just when we think love has gone completely out of style, we run into some stubborn instance of a sincere, genuine, and powerful love. Have you ever seen an elderly couple like that? Say, two octogenarians as fully devoted to each other as they were half a century ago? These two do not just tolerate each other but absolutely dote upon each other. No, I am not talking about the gentleness and politeness common to many seniors. A passion that keeps the life and light shining in their eyes even in their declining years.
But real love is not confined to some past generation. There are couples out there who enjoy a fabulous and fulfilling love relationship every day. Do they ever bicker? Do they act like love-struck teenagers who are obsessed with each other? Nope, we are not talking about hearts-and-flowers stuff, but mature, fully developed love that makes better human beings out of everyone who finds it. Interested in learning about that kind of love, and the path to find it? I had a life history that raised serious questions in my mind and spirit. I could see my life as a twisting path from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. I wondered how I fell in love, how I fell out of it, and if I could ever fall in love again.
As a young man, my path intersected with that of another human being, Alice, who eventually became my wonderful wife. She was heading somewhere in life, based on her identity, her needs, and her goals. I was heading somewhere else, based on my own.
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We felt a mutual attraction, which is the first stage of the romantic experience. I bought into everything about Alice that I experienced with her—her identity, Fall needs, and her goals as I understood them. Pay close attention to that last phrase; in time we will have much ebool to say loe it. Alice eboook into the totality of what she encountered in Joe Beam. What we experienced is the event of mutual acceptance. Then, after connecting in such a fulfilling way, the emotional narcotic kicked in. There were joy, excitement, and that thrill that comes like a great wave and washes two people toward the impulse to become life partners.
Why was love so wonderful to find, yet so hard to maintain? All of these stages are standard. I could be telling the story of millions of people. But then comes the intersection of another factor: The passage of time changes nearly everything in its path. With the passage of time, my passion began to waver. What, I wondered, happened to me?
It is a monologue for happiness with the other. No, there is nothing trying or special about me.
Why had the road in my journey grown so difficult? I loved loving Alice; she loved loving me. Had it all been an illusion? Could we get back what we had had? Did we even want to? After fifteen years of marriage, I entered a period of my life that was painful beyond belief. Alice and I divorced. I lost my sense of who I was, wounding Alice and myself in the process. In time I found my way back onto the path—not just the path of being committed to a relationship but also the path of making that relationship really work. After three years of divorce, Alice and I married each other again. I am here to tell you that it was not easy or neat to do so. It took personal growth, understanding, perseverance—and a few swift kicks to my rear, among other things.
There is a way. A strategy to get to where we wanted to be. The power of love is not some mysterious extra-human emotional force whose mysteries and staying power are beyond our control. It is no simple itch that needs scratching. No, what I discovered is a journey that I began to call the LovePath. Every single one of us has the opportunity to travel this road of self-understanding, interpersonal bonding, and ultimate gratification. On this path, anyone can find and experience love, relationships can be built to last, and relationships can be rescued if they fail. The LovePath is the most hopeful, exhilarating message I know, so I have devoted my life to telling people about it.
Those who understand and follow it master the art of falling in love. I work with thousands of people, both single and married, who are wanting to start the path, are somewhere on that path, or are stranded by the side of the road. In helping so many ordinary, struggling people understand the different stages of the LovePath, in helping them learn the art of falling and staying in love, I have seen miracles take place. We have been able to help lovers build relationships that work and keep working. On the part of the path that constitutes marriage, we have helped thousands upon thousands of couples reach levels of love they never expected to find.
Perhaps even more fascinating, we have a record of accomplishment of saving three out of four crisis marriages—marriages on the brink of ending when the couple attended our Marriage Helper seminar. This approach works; I have seen it. I have lived its success myself, and I have the scars to prove what happens when we stray from the path. I have been interviewed on many radio and TV programs to share the keys of a healthy, thriving, and fulfilling relationship. Now I look forward to sharing those keys with you.
To understand love, Sternberg divides it into its three basic components: These are not the steps of the LovePath, but rather results of following the LovePath. They are what we seek in true love, and the LovePath brings them into existence for us. Sternberg and others have learned about the dimensions of the love we so want and need. Intimacy Intimacy is being transparent, building trust, and allowing another to look deep into your soul. Intimacy is closeness, warmth, and the feeling of being bonded together.
When men hear the word, they tend to think of it as something they do. Women, on the other hand, think of it as something they feel. Intimacy is truly knowing one another or, taking the very sound of the word, into-me-see. Intimacy is being transparent, building trust, and allowing another to look deep into your soul. Intimacy means giving respect, developing deep friendship, and connecting on a level that words never reach. Without intimacy, true love cannot exist. Yet intimacy is one of the most difficult things to master because to achieve it, two individuals must allow their souls to go naked before each other, ensuring that their love is for the real person—not a picture the person has painted.
When one feels intimacy with another, she feels that the other is a friend in the deepest and most meaningful sense of the word. He is one who knows her as she truly is, not as she represents herself in different environments and situations. He sees her weaknesses, flaws, or failures yet continues to believe the best about her. He understands her deepest desires, her dreams, and her fanciful wishes—even those she would be embarrassed for anyone else to know. He knows what she is afraid of, what she will fight for, and, perhaps, die for. He is aware of her consistencies and her inconsistencies, but never bothers to catalog either.
He cares about what she wanted to be when she grew up and understands her feelings about what she became instead. Her secrets are safe with him. She never thinks of the possibility of his betrayal. She knows that he loves her deeply and completely, that he will never leave her, that he would search the earth over for her if she went missing. If she were in danger, he would protect her. It would not matter whether she was right or wrong; he would never abandon her. He would sacrifice himself for her in battle, even if the battle was one she was wrong to have started.
He sees into her soul. Soul mate, you say? That phrase is too trite. A truly intimate relationship is one that exists in the deepest regions of our being, one that is essential to our innermost sense of worth and to our need for security in an insecure world. It is not just a friendship. It reaches the depths.